She pushed her hair out of her eyes and sighed quietly. Squeezing her eyes shut against the wave of despair rising up inside her, she pressed her cool fingers against the backs of her eyelids. She missed him terribly, but she was the one who had pushed him away.
The sadness welled up inside her chest. There was no way things could have worked out, and she needed some time to just figure herself out and think. She couldn’t deal with everything at once and had to delete some of the variables. Surgical removal was the only way to go, quick and clean. Once he was gone, she felt empty; he’d taken part of her heart with him and left her with a bleeding empty wound.
Her eyes were tired of crying, her heart tired of aching. She needed the closure, but she also wished everything could have been different. Why couldn’t it have worked out? Why? She knew why, but it was hard to admit it. Decisions are hard to make, and she made the one that seemed to make the most sense. Sure, it probably wasn’t the best thing for him, but it seems like it may be better for her.
Of course, knowing that didn’t help her feel any better.