I get so frustrated when things happen to the ones I love and I am so far away and feel like I can’t do anything to help them. Sometimes it’s hard being so far away from the people who matter to me. It feels like it’s so difficult to make a lasting personal connection with people, so when I do happen to make one, I try to nurture it as much as possible, even if we live a few time zones away from each other. We can’t help that we are so distant and yet so close to each other.
Usually, I don’t mind the distance between me and some of my good friends. It means we don’t get to see each other in person, and maybe we don’t catch up as often as we could, but we are usually in constant contact through chat and email. It’s just when something terrible happens that I really feel the stretch of the distance between us.
I recently found out that something terrible happened to one of my friends, and I could feel the tears well up immediately behind my eyes. They were tears of sadness, and also of frustration of not being able to do more to help. I thought to myself that maybe somewhere these tears might be able to help ease her suffering.
This isn’t very well organised, but the thoughts are just swirling around in my head and they just need to be put down somewhere and made real. It’s just a situation that touches me and yet has so very little impact on my day to day life. It doesn’t lessen any of the pain I feel for my friend, rather it intensifies it in a strange way.
I know it doesn’t make much sense, and maybe this entry will be deleted in the near future. It’s grieving I suppose, in my own little way, for my friend and her tremendous loss.