Lovely September Goals
Sometimes I get frustrated by my own inadequacies. I’m not the best at handling certain situations, and I can usually clearly see myself spinning out of control with stress, worry, anger, or sadness (or any combination thereof). This month, this Lovely September, I am making some personal goals for myself to try to combat my own inadequacies.
It’s also my birthday month, so this is probably some kind of self-improvement jag because I’m reminded of the passage of time.
Yes, of course, I am sharing them now. I hope this will help keep me accountable, so feel free to wag your finger at me and point out one of my Lovely September Goals when you see me stressing out.
Goal 1: See people more
I’ve been so fed up with the almost completely textual relationships I have, that I am vowing to see the Ones Who Matter Most more often in person. It’s good to keep in touch with friends via email and IM if they live far away, but I have no excuse if they live right in my backyard. Hopefully, we can all figure out our busy schedules and see each other more regularly.
Goal 2: Listen, really listen
I will admit that I am not a good listener. In fact, I may be one of the worst listeners I know. I cut people off when they’re speaking, jump wildly to conclusions during a conversation, and just plain don’t pay attention. This is something I have to consciously work on, and I want to really hone this skill and learn to listen more actively to others.
Goal 3: Relinquish control
I am so guilty of feeling like I can control most situations. Something go wrong with a friend? Maybe it’s something I did (I know, so egotistical). But maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s just time for our friendship to languish a bit and we can pick things up later on. I don’t need to endlessly stress over it and wonder what I could be doing to ‘fix’ things. Most of the time, it’s just life being busy, priorities shifting, and people losing/gaining interest that causes friendships to change. There’s no judgment being made on either person. It’s just how things are. Doesn’t make sense to force things to bend to your will when it’s just not meant to be.
My ego clearly needs to calm the hell down and get over itself. I can’t control what other people do, think, or feel, and I cannot sit around wondering what’s going on in someone else’s head. That’s their head, their business. Life goes on.
So those are the goals for September. In August, I practised learning to enjoy my own company and do more activities on my own. It was difficult at times because I mostly yearn to be with others (I’m like a really pathetic lonely puppy, I swear), but I got through it and realised that being alone is not the worst thing in the world and I quite enjoy my own company. I don’t know that I would go on vacation alone anytime soon, but I can clearly understand the appeal of having the freedom of doing what I want when I want, and not having to worry about coordinating plans/desires with others. The dictator in me loves that.
I still love people and I really enjoy being with them, but August has clearly shown me that I can also learn to enjoy alone time now and then.
Maybe one of these months, I’ll look back at these random monthly goals and decide that I have indeed improved myself little by little. Or maybe I’ll decide this was a useless project and I’ll always be the same person no matter what I try to change.
Either way, I’m enjoying the journey.