a left-eyed girl

living in a 2 dimensional world

Archive for June 2011

The Raw Shark Texts, page 138

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Le sang

I was reading all about conceptual sharks when my nose suddenly felt wet and runny. When I wiped it against the back of my hand (yeah I’m gross like that), my hand came away smeared with blood. I managed to prevent it from getting all over my clothes, but did spatter a drop or two on my book, and also later found another couple drops on my skirt that I hope will come out in the wash. Luckily, this book is actually my own copy for once, so I don’t feel so bad about mucking it up.

Back in grade school, I was constantly being sent to the nurse due to sudden nosebleeds in class. The wintertime where I grew up was very cold and dry (as opposed to the damp winters here in California), so the membranes in my nose were prone to rupturing even if I blew my nose too hard. Needless to say, I’m so accustomed to it that when I can feel my nose leaks, assuming I’m not sick, there’s half a chance it’s bleeding.

As for the book, it’s really quite interesting. I cracked it open Sunday evening immediately before bed and have been devouring it ever since. It’s so fascinating and seemingly complicated that I’m not sure I can even explain it to someone else, other than: man wakes up with total amnesia, henceforth makes tremendous efforts to discover how and why. It’s very Memento, only written in mostly-forward tense. It does jump back and forth as he discovers information about the first Eric Sanderson, but it’s not as confusing as Memento to follow (admittedly, I also find films more difficult to follow and understand compared to reading a book, so perhaps it’s just my own confusion that’s the problem).

My print edition has 428 pages, so being that I’m only on page 138 and the story is just now getting interestingly complex, I’m hoping it maintains a similar pace for the remaining 290 pages. Even if it doesn’t, I’m quite excited to spend all the time I can reading it!

Written by Reese

June 7, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Posted in just life

Odd nail out

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Painted all of them aubergine except for one that is now pale pink. Got some comments (from guy friends) asking if I ran out of nail polish. I like having one nail a different colour from the rest, but maybe the contrast this time around is just too much. I feel like going the other way around (all pink nails and one aubergine nail) would also be weird simply because it would look like you slammed it in a door or had some other horrific thing happen to it. Maybe it would work better if the colours were a bit closer together and not just very very dark + almost natural colour.

We’ll see.

Written by Reese

June 6, 2011 at 11:31 am

Posted in just life

In the darkness of night

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Like moths to a flame

Is it June already? I must be having a lot of fun, because time is sailing along. I finally managed to poke through more of the film photos from Taiwan that were taken back in March and found some that I quite like. Over the weekend, I think I discussed photography/writing with a new friend. (I say "I think" because I was a bit tipsy and can’t be relied upon to remember everything in exact detail.) I do remember briefly showing him my Flickr account and explaining something about how photography is my way of recording memories because my memory is very much imperfect.

Or at least, that’s what I think I said.

It’s hard to remember what one’s said in front of a cracking fire in an otherwise dark room after more than a few glasses of red wine. I so clearly remember how the fire looked, the sound of it cracking and eating away at the wood, and its warmth on my arms, but I can recall the conversation only in bits and pieces.

But anyway, where was I going with this? Ah yes, the photo above. The memories do blur, but I still remember taking this photo, standing in the darkened alley staring at the lights in the distance. It reminded me of those alien abduction flicks where people are walking into such a bright light, the dark shadowy edges of their bodies blurring and disappearing into a whiteness. It’s the kind of brightness that you imagine to end in something eerie or amazing, the kind of brightness that forces you to hold your hand over your squinting eyes.

I remember how it felt in that alley, surrounded by the noises of the market in the distance, the smells of damp cardboard mixed with mustiness, the cool air lazily blowing past me. This entire trip, I felt a tug upon my heart. It consisted of the endless possibilities of the future, the necessary goodbyes to make it so, the slight heartbreaks, the fortification of my tough shell.

By nature, I’ve always been good at discarding the mantle of my current life and moving on to the next stage with barely a glance back. It prevents me from becoming too sentimental, but it also makes it hard for me to understand the ache others might feel. Why do so many feel this ache? Is it a weakness, a flaw? Why do I have such a hard time finding empathy for others going through something like this? What’s even more interesting is that though I have trouble understanding it in others, over the years, I’ve learn how to formulate the right response, the right things to say, the right things to do.

Awfully fake of me, eh? It makes me feel like a robot sometimes, but I know that if I just follow my little script, hopefully it will work and no one will guess I just don’t get it.

Or maybe I do get it, in my own way. My lack of empathy also makes it hard to understand when I myself feel a similar aching for old friends and familiar places. I feel a strange anger towards myself for being just like all the other sentimental folks out there. But oh right, I’m just human. Guess I should try to remember that more often.

Written by Reese

June 2, 2011 at 10:27 am

Posted in just life