a left-eyed girl

living in a 2 dimensional world

5onFriday: EverGrateful Edition

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The last few weeks have been somewhat emotionally rough for me. I’ve been feeling generally unhappy. I know I’m not supposed to be happy all the time (jeez, what kind of empty life would that be?), but I know I’m not supposed to feel so down in the dumps that everything feels like I’m seeing it through a haze either.

(I’ve tried to write about this several times, but I haven’t been able to. It may be that I’m finally feeling stable enough that I can without degenerating into hopeless blathering and a general woe-is-me-so-feel-sorry-for-me.)

But yes, I’m feeling especially grateful today, on this last Friday in July. Time hurtles forward, with or without my consent, and I’ve had a bit of a hard time accepting this recently. O-bla-di, o-bla-da, life goes on, brahhhh. We just have to live and learn and maybe figure out how to handle things a bit better the next time. Always forward, yes?

This past week, I’ve been grateful that:

1. I was able to donate blood this week
I’ve donated (or attempted to donate) blood steadily over the past 2 years. About half the time, I get rejected, usually for low-iron. I’m very happy to say that I marginally passed all the tests this past week and was able to donate a nice pint.

2. The Presidio makes for a great evening bike ride
Had a chance to finally take a mostly solo ride through the Presidio this week. It’s been a while since I’ve had the time and energy to take a ride there. A little solitude in a quiet place is good for me.

3. Frannie and I continue to consciously make time to be together
The past week has been busy for both of us and we’ve not had much time together in the evenings or the mornings. I typically leave for work when he’s still sleeping, and sometimes I’ll go to bed before he comes home at night if he has a late hockey game. We’re both aware that we haven’t spent much time catching up with each other, so we both make an effort to have a dedicated date night where we have dinner together and maybe do something fun. Sometimes I want to spend all my free time with him, but I know that our relationship is better when our lives are balanced, when we’re spending a good chunk of our time apart developing our individual lives. We love each other and love to be together, but we also know how to stand on our own two feet.

4. I’ve been able to enjoy some time alone
When I’m feeling down in the dumps, all I want is to not spread my doom and gloom around my friends or have to deal with trying to be socially acceptable. Also, listening to whiny friends is extra draining when I’m not feeling so hot myself, so I tend to cut myself off for a little bit while I work on feeling better. It’s been so great that I haven’t had to attend many social events these past few weeks, and the ones I’ve chosen to attend have been nothing but good for me and everyone else. I feel so grateful for having the option to choose to spend my time with people who are positive, fun, and supportive. I don’t always have the option to make choices like that (obligations to family and friends), so I am especially grateful that I’ve had that freedom these past few weeks.

5. Creative outlets have become enjoyable again
For me, being depressed means not enjoying my usual creative outlets, namely reading, writing, and photography. I don’t sit around and bemoan, "If only I spent more of my time doing such-and-such." Instead, I just sit around and not do it, and then when I feel like doing it, I make time and do it. No use complaining about not having time to do something, when you obviously have other more pressing concerns that are taking priority. I’m finally starting to feel more excited about making photographs, reading books, and writing my own short vignettes again. Basically, I have enough surplus energy to do these things, instead of all the energy being taken up by feeling depressed or anxious (and yes, it’s a serious energy-suck), and I am so very grateful to feel more even-tempered.

Well that wraps it up for me. What have you been happy about this past week?

Written by Reese

July 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

Posted in just life

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