a left-eyed girl

living in a 2 dimensional world

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Tonight I cuddled with E as she lay on my shoulder. Her hair brushed against my cheek. Those soft waves of dark brown, almost black hair. We’d already turned off the lights so I couldn’t see her, but I felt her contentedly burrowed into me, her steady breathing whispering in the darkness.

As I waited for her to fall asleep, I thought about how both kids had inherited my soft, slightly wavy hair instead of their father’s stiff straight hair. I already knew all the struggles they’d have with their hair, our hair. The grass is always greener, or something like that. I’d gone through many years of curling or straightening it, dyeing it any color I thought might work, trying all different hairstyles before I’d found something that worked for me. They’d probably go through similar stages, trying all kinds of looks. Girls can be chameleons in a way.

I also thought about all the other struggles they’d have in their lives. And all the issues I’d have to watch them going through, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to help. Many would be ones they’d need to work out themselves. Learning to love others and themselves, finding a place where they fit and were accepted.

Maybe that’s one of the harder bits of parenting. I haven’t done it before either, so all I can do is roll with the punches as they come.

Written by Reese

May 28, 2017 at 5:10 am

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I’m sat in a small room with one window, three television screens, and about 20 pink chairs. There is a mother and her daughter sitting at the opposite end of the room. The large ice cream vending machine behind me has been making various whirring sounds for the past 25 minutes. I’ve tried to find a pattern but it’s near impossible.

One of the three video screens is showing my daughter L’s swimming class. The seventh floor gallery was too full of people today so I am here on the third floor, watching from a television. 

The vending machine suddenly stops.

The room is quiet except for the kid doing her homework; she’s quietly reading the questions to herself.

The sound is off on the televisions so I continue to watch the swimming class in near silence, only the distant sound of a train chugging by every few minutes.

I always think to spend this time doing something constructive like reading or knitting, but instead I often spend it browsing social media sites on my phone or napping. My younger daughter, E, is always with me too. She spends most swimming practices sleeping but sometimes she is awake and I’m not allowed to sit still. Instead we walk around and go up and down the stairs until the class is over.

Two more women have come to the waiting room. They are chatting quite loudly and I hope they won’t wake up E from her nap. The vending machine hasn’t turned back on so I think about all the ice cream slowly getting warm deep inside the machine. I know it’ll kick on as soon as the ice cream warms past a certain point. Or at least I hope it will.

Written by Reese

May 22, 2017 at 1:28 am

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Unsure where my creative feelings have gone. Mostly I spend my time knitting or sewing small things when I feel like making something.

Oh and cooking too. Always cooking with me.

But here is a handbag I made lately. It still needs a proper liner in.

Written by Reese

November 21, 2015 at 4:10 pm

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I recently got to try a Chinese pastry called 老婆饼, also known as sweetheart cake or wife cake. It’s a flaky baked pastry filled with a mixture of candied wintermelon, sesame seeds, coconut shreds, and almond paste. The texture is flaky on the outside, as expected, and slightly chewy on the inside. The coconut flavour is pretty distinct, and it’s pretty much all I could taste for the filling, but I’ll go ahead and believe that there is probably wintermelon in there too.

The whole thing kinda reminds me of hopia, a filipino pastry with the same flaky outside, but usually filled with sweetened bean pastes. My favourite fillings are mungo (mung bean) and ube (purple yam).

Written by Reese

February 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Posted in just life

How 2012 has been doing so far

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I don’t know how 2012 has been treating you, but so far it’s been a wonderful year. Some of my friends have started new adventures, some are planning for some big changes, and it seems that all around 2012 is going to be a good one.

At least I’m really hoping so!

I don’t make new year resolutions because I think they’re tacky and, let’s face it, everyone else does them, so why should I do it too? I know, I am such a lame little rebel. So even though, I prefer not to call them my resolutions, of course I’ve sat and thought what kinds of goals I’d like to accomplish this year in my life. I don’t think I’ll be successful at all of them, but it’s nice to dream, right?

My short list 2012 goals:

  • Continue to ride my bike as much as I can
  • Remember to get in touch with friends that I don’t see very often
  • Spend time with Fran
  • Re-learn Bach’s Italian Concerto in its entirety. Memorization possible, but optional.
  • Meet and become moderate friends with at least two new people

I don’t think I’m asking for too much here, so it should be achievable. The only one I’d worry about is that last goal of making two new friends. Even though I’m quite sociable, I find it difficult to make friends past the acquaintance level. I could say that it’s just harder at my age, but that’s honestly just an excuse. It’s true that a lot of people I met already have full social schedules, but that’s not why I have trouble getting past acquaintances. It’s more of a personal problem of not giving myself over more fully to friends to let us become closer. There’s always that slight wall to climb, eh?

But anyway, I’m going to try my best to allow myself to get in situations where I can meet new people. Maybe the hardest part is simply getting out there and opening up. After that, things usually quite fall into place once you find common interests.

Written by Reese

February 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Posted in just life

Update from the Bike Lane

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Every morning, I take the long way to work. It takes me about 45 minutes going that way, compared to about 25 minutes going the most direct way. Along this longer path, I pass by a couple schools, which means that I pass by the same crossing guards every morning that school is in session.

This morning, I approached one such intersection, complete with traffic light, all-way walk signal, and crossing guard that always greets me with a very hearty, "Good morning miss!!" I usually wait for the light and then zip across with car traffic, but this morning I got to the light with 24 seconds still left on the countdown, so I dismounted and walked across the intersection.

I passed by the crossing guard and we greeted each other with the usual "good mornings," but then he said to me, as I was getting back on my bike, "I want to tell you something. You are really gorgeous!"

Oh my, it’s amazing how a random compliment really made my morning. I smiled the entire rest of the way to work.

Written by Reese

October 13, 2011 at 10:43 am

Posted in just life

It’s just a number

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Each and every morning I weigh myself on a scale that I bought about 4-5 years ago. It’s one of those semi-fancy scales that also measures your body fat based on your conductivity. "The experts" say that weighing yourself everyday doesn’t help you lose weight because it can be demoralizing and inaccurate. I know that when I see a number higher than yesterday’s number, I do get a little peeved at myself for letting the number go up. It’s completely irrational, but I can’t seem to help myself. It’s an automatic self-judgement.

Body weight fluctuates from day to day, based on a number of outside factors like hydration, the status of your bowels, when you last ate or worked out, etc. Over the years of daily weigh-ins, I know that my weight typically fluctuates within a range of 5 pounds. My weight probably ranges about 3-4 pounds in the course of a single day. After you add in the fluctuations due to the menstrual cycle, it’s pretty clear that the weight number isn’t very dependable.

On top of this, measuring body fat via conductivity is not exactly the most accurate method since it does not take hydration into account. The more hydrated you are, the more conductive you are, and this will decrease the body fat percent the scale tells you. If you could be similarly hydrated everyday, then this method might work well for you, but it’s hard to tell exactly how hydrated you are each day. This number obviously fluctuates.

So even knowing all of this, and understanding that what happens on the scale is (relatively) within my control, why does it still bother me to see my weight fluctuate to the top end of my acceptable limit? It doesn’t ruin my day, but I usually silently call myself fat and will sometimes withhold food from myself based solely on the day’s numbers.

Isn’t this such a "girl" thing to do?

But wait, athletes get obsessed with their weight and how much they workout and consume, don’t they? Back in the day (when I was heavier) I used to think they were so crazy. The wrestlers in my high school seemed to be more obsessed than any other athlete because your weight dictated which weight class you were allowed to fight in. I remember one guy weight one pound too much before his weigh-in, and he put on sweatpants and a heavy pullover and ran around the building in the heat until he’d sweated the pound off. Now that’s crazy.

I’m thankful that I’m not so crazy that the bathroom scale would bring me to tears. I try not to obsess about it, but sometimes when I’m in a crappy mood already, it does make me feel even crappier and I wish it wasn’t like that. Just a number, just a data point, right? It doesn’t make me less valuable if I’m up a pound from last week, and it doesn’t make me cooler/prettier/etc if I’m down a pound. But sometimes, it’s tough to tell myself that.

After all, it’s just a number, and it only has power over me if I let it.

Written by Reese

September 14, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Posted in just life